My Mayan Bucket List

mayan calander 290x300 My Mayan Bucket List

Fears that the end of the world is nigh have spread across the world with only days until the end of the Mayan calendar, with doomsday-mongers predicting a cataclysmic end to the history of Earth.

With this is in mind, I have prepared my bucket list, gloves are off and I plan to go out in a burst of flames. The date is December 21. Be well my friends.

1- Tweak my lozenge-patch invention. Forehead application is still a bit cumbersome.

2-Replicate John Mayer’s ability to fake sensitivity and likability in verse only.

3- Witness a Mexican stand-off, involving actual Mexicans.

4- Text “I hid the body, now what?” to a random number.

5- Buy out an entire Maroon 5 concert so Adam Levine will just see me megaphoning “Why do you exist”?

6- Borrow deep, and put every dollar in $AAPL puts, if I’m right, and with next day settlement on options, I can have a grand party in St. Lucia with all my friends. If I’m wrong, well who cares.

7- Have martinis and make witty comments at the Algonquin Hotel in New York, preferably at a round table.

8- Kick Eric Clapton’s ass in “Guitar Hero.”

9- Figure out what the hell “Lost” is about. [This item also works for "The Prisoner," "Twin Peaks," "Cloverfield," and the popularity of Oprah.]

10- Bid for a stock without an algo going ahead of me. Just once.

11- Cancel all high frequency trading for the next two weeks.

12- Put SAC Capital’s trading room on truth serum.

13- Force Mary Shapiro of the SEC to rap all of her accomplishments at a Jay-Z concert.

14- Put Capitol Hill under the cone of silence.

15- Bluff on a million dollar hand of poker.

16- Confess to my wife that , “Yes, I am a hoarder”

17- Send my screenplay for “Myron, the Schizophrenic Mayan” to DreamWorks for a fast green light.

18- Work on a goth version of “The Gift of the Magi” which ends in a murder-suicide pact.

19- Head to an Asian karaoke bar with my queens to live vicariously through Whitney Houston and Madonna songs from the 80s.

20- Hand out T-shirts that say “I have my whole life behind me.”

Stop by for a free trial and have a great weekend.



Joe Donohue

Joe is a full time trader with 25 years experience. He is a senior contributor and investor in Stocktwits and has been seen on CNN Money and quoted in Marketwatch, Forbes, Reuters, NY Times and Wall Street Journal.