How the Downgrade of America Really Went Down

I’m fresh off a Robert Wagner reverse mortgage commercial, so I feel confident about my future and  got to thinking. A reverse mortgage blog post is on the horizon.

So how about today huh? A crash at the open, then a soft no volume rally higher. Volume is bad, really bad.

The market was sold hard today, it caught some bids late in the day, but it looked like short covering. The United States of America got downgraded today by some folks at S&P.

Here is my rendition of how  the S&P downgrade conversation went down:

S&P Boss… Hey idiot that works for me, Greece is so screwed, we need to make a statement. We need to get in front of shit. We need to so screw America, we will be famous.

Idiot that made downgrade…..but boss, you said the S&L crisis in the 80’s and the mortgage crisis was nothing  more than rhetoric. You were right, but way after the fact. Years after the fact. I was told you lost your job but had pictures of certain people and you were rehired. You had a Fannie Mae hook up.

S&P Boss.. Hey, I was wrong, but the market forgets, CNBC will honor us as always. We advertise. It’s OK , Moody’s doesn’t know whats going on, so we need to lead on this one.

Idiot…, My  friends went to Yale & Harvard, they  work at bulge bracket firms like Goldman & Morgan, maybe I should check with them. My parents got me in to C.U.N.Y.  they say I had friends that remember me and like me.

S&P Boss..What?

Idiot.. Nothing, I want to go back to my room at home. I feel dirty. I really don’t know why I am here . Am I an analyst? I thought I’d be working at Goldman by now.

Idiot.. Why do I feel lost boss? Most folks commit suicide after four years at S&P. We are owned by McGraw Hill anyway, aren’t thy out of business? What’s a book?

S&P Boss..I am overweight and make $ 65k a year at S&P, I go on TV,  but it’s OK,  just trust my lead on this. We beat Moody’s on this one, they will downgrade the U.S.A. later this week. We follow each other, even though we are late and constantly wrong. We will be great together.

Idiot..Hey, I  live in a shit hole on Rectror Street, why do you get to live like a king in Brooklyn Heights? How do I get bumped up on salary?

S&P Boss.. I live with my mother and have worn glasses since I was six. Mom says I was awesome in social studies and math.

Idiot.. So should I call Moody’s about our downgrade of America or should I just wait?

S&P Boss.. Just wait, I’m having cocktails with the Moody’s guy in an hour. The Moody’s guy seems rugged, he likes Patron shots, I like Cosmopolitans. I have a CNBC interview in the morning. They think I’m God.

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