Georgetown, DC..... Today, Senator Mitch McConnell, was discovered to be a human mannequin. After years of serving Congress in an ineffectual and pathetic way, the Mayo Clinic, in a secret ten year long secretly funded research program discovered that he is really made of wood.
"The fucker ain't real" opined Lester Burgess who works laundry detail at the world famous research clinic. "The fucker just ain't real". Lester said he learned about this after overhearing two clinicians peeing in the men's room. "I was in the stall to be honest when I heard them talking, I had been there all morning after eating at Chipotle last night".
This story s fluid right now and McConnell's Kentucky home is being aggressively being pelted with Ken and Barbie body parts.
"People are just disgusted with the fact that he was a wooden human" said Bob Farrell a longtime Kentucky resident. Mr. Farell also went on to say that "McConnell just sucked huge ass as our leader anyway".
Caitlin Diaz, a McConnell supporter said " he must have had real wooden issues, in retrospect, the guy did nothing for the country in all the years he served. I don't know how I missed this, he looks just like a mannequin".